Black Cat – Substitutes

The most awaited occasion among friends every time is birthday parties. That’s the occasion where all long awaited things come into fulfillment. People in the mid 20’s celebrate their birthdays more casual, cake cutting happens by chance and nothing is so arranged. But there is another extreme level of planning the day of celebration. We met new people, Mister and Master, romance with this mister and master, speak with these gentle men’s and so on. A says one brand, P says another and D says both. Sleeping moron J speaks like a big man and asks with a humble note decently for 100 pipers. The birthday boy curses J to go drink his personal manufactured outlet drink and get high on with it.


D seems to be a little grown-up and says Shut-up, nothing doing, get Pepsi for all these stupid people who take minutes to think about their choices. Screws people who wanted big Master costing more than the 5 Thandouri chicken at empire. People just by sniffing get high and they wanted these big Masters at their sip. The birthday boy decides to drop out the 100 pipers and get nothing more than his planned budget. Mr. Cat is the substitute for 100 pipers is what decided.


J feels a little bad and D says screw you. Parties like this needs well arranged rooms with Lavender room freshener. So they choose D’s room, which is a little modern technological lab where smuggling happens everyday in a small scale. What ever big brand people choose, there are a few who still wants to rub their tongues with that red color lemon pickle ignoring the fried innocent chicken getting raped by people high in all corners. A comes in knocking the door, saying “Aen Maga, ena bandilva avaro (What men, haven’t they come still)?” D says “Muchhkondu olega baro (Shut up and come in men)”.


P and the birthday boy have gone to purchase the requirements. Nuts are needed. D calls up P and asks them to buy roasted peeper nuts. They are coming and J now comes back to D’s room and says “Let me also join the celebration because the birthday boy shouldn’t feel bad” and now D counters him saying “Enough of your acting. Sit down and let’s wait.”



Jesus Exceeded People’s Expectations

We are a different kind of human beings. We don’t care for others life and their peace. We wanted our life to be more sophisticated and gorgeous. At times our thoughts become more rational than humane because of our ego, jealousy and pride. Someone told me days back that “Pride can kill you”. I was astonished after hearing something so dangerous and that can easily bring us to the battle between life and death. Today, we are beings, who are not happy for what we have. We crave for things that are not permanent. A woman craves for Jewelleries, own house, bank balance etc but forgets the important role as a Mother for her children. Man struggles for earning the daily bread for the family but forgets the spiritual need of the family. Children are worried of the studies, competitions, posh life etc but forget their need of Knowing Christ and their Future life. In fact everyone is behind something or other but not behind the creator. Today most of us are like this: God is required when there is a need. Most of us are good dreamers than achievers because our wants are very peripheral and temporary in life.

God is not the one whom we think He is. He is supreme over all and a unique man in this entire world. Our wants are so many but most of the time they are not our needs. We expect from God healings that our hindering our physical body but we hardly care for the greater needs of our spiritual life. God always thinks above us and as Isaiah says “Our thoughts are not His thoughts; our plans are not His plans”. We wanted healings that can heal our physical body, wants that can satisfy our worldly life. Not all of us are expecting above all our material wants. The bible records that most of the people came in search of Jesus expecting certain kind of favours and physical healings in their body. But God does more than what they expected. He cares more than we care for ourselves. Let us look for few instances from the Holy Bible.

  1. A paralysed man was let down from the roof top expecting for a bodily healing. But Jesus looking at the Paralysed man says “My son, your sins are forgiven”. (MK 2:1-12). God not only cured him physically but also spiritually.
  1. We worked hard all night long and caught nothing, but if you say so, I will let down the nets. They caught two nets of fishes. (LK 5:1-11) The disciples were looking for an ordinary day of fishing but they found the Saviour and He made them Fishers of men.
  1. The only son of the widow is dead. Jesus saw the procession of the funeral and had pity over the widow women and raised her son back to life. (LK 7: 11-17). A widow was resigned to bury her dead son, but Jesus restored her son to life.
  1. The Pharisees and the teachers of the law wanted Jesus to perform a miracle but Jesus teaches them that the only miracle will be given to them is the miracle of Jonah. (MT 12: 38-45). The religious leaders wanted a miracle but Jesus offered or thought them the creator of miracles.
  1. The women suffering from severe bleeding wants to touch the Fringe of His garment and was instantly healed. (MK 5: 25-34). The woman wanting to be healed touched His garment and Jesus not only cured her but made her to understand that it was her faith that healed her.
  1. The disciples wanted the crowd to be sent home because there was no enough food but Jesus worked miracle by feeding the crowd with five loaves of bread and two fish. (JN 6: 1-15) Jesus not only feed them spiritually but also bodily.
  1. The disciples prepared the banquet to eat the Passover meal with Jesus but Jesus to their astonishment washed their feet before offering the sacrifice. (JN 13: 1-20) Jesus not only offered the sacrifice of last supper and instituted the Eucharist but also showed to the disciples that he is also a Servant.
  1. The religious leaders wanted Jesus to be crucified and punished for his Teachings which was considered as blasphemy and fulfil their wish. (JN 11: 53). They crucified Jesus and killed him. (JN 19: 30). But Jesus rose again from death to life on the third day. (JN 20: 1-29). The religious authorities wanted Jesus killed and got their wish but Jesus rose from the dead.

These are all, what people expected from Jesus but Jesus exceeded their expectations. Jesus always takes care of His children even when we go away from Him. Today we go to hospitals for bodily treatment, psychological centres for counselling, blind beliefs with what people around say, but most of us forget that we can always go to Our Master, Creator, Abba Father for all our ailments that are both bodily and spiritually to be healed and cured. Jesus in the above incidents has most of the time healed the spiritual problems and cured the bodily ailments. Let’s always be dependent on Jesus than on People. He exceeds our expectations and miraculously cures not only our bodily ailments but also our spiritual blindness.

Who is the Cause? Can Money replace God?

Is there love for God? Is there spirituality?  Are we able respondent to His love and Mercy? Many are these questions that hinder few people’s mind. I am not an exception to it. In my journey of life and in search for God’s love, I found that nothing would make us a lover of God than simply accepting Him as oneself. Why this kind of Love as been lost? Who is the cause for this great loss?

Today, the greatest sin that we tend to commit is not killing someone but taking advantage of God’s mercy and love. Taking God for granted. Man has substituted God for his own power and position. God has become today “Use and throw” for humanity. Adam could be blamed for abandoning God’s love for His people. Why, even Eve would find no exception to this act. But are they, the only people so cruel. Where can we fit ourselves in the plan of God? Are we not the one who ditched God’s love?

Yes, it is we. We are the cause for abandoning God’s love in my life. We, at times become a huge obstacle for our own spiritual life. We become a double faced king of our sinful existence. We have lost the meaning of our life because we have come away from our Heavenly Father. We are an orphan but not so.  I remember the meaningful proverb saying “Who you are is what you have and if you lose what you have, then ask yourself who you are”. What have I lost today? There is a huge loss occurred. And I am sure that we are the cause for this huge loss.

Today, people have a very obsessed understanding for the love of God. We think that we can satisfy God through our deeds and arms. People come in large numbers to the Basilica during the novena days offering and surrendering flowers, candles and not themselves. Sadly it’s only a few who surrender themselves to God. But there are few who come to church in a blue-moon day to compromise with God and His love. I remember that “Spirituality as no compromise” and it’s exactly the other way, we are living today our spiritual life. The first sin of Adam and Eve counted for our separation from God and His love.

We are not even bothered of our spiritual life. All that man chases today is for his own power and position. God becomes an active member only during our need and we silence Him in our later part of life. What are we going to gain in life? Is it life eternal or Just a journey of life without any achievement or meaning? Our life is a gift from God and What we make out of this life, Is our gift to God. But sadly man strives to grow his wealth and not prepare for his future life.

Does Money equalize God? No, only our love for Him and our spiritual life can keep us close to him and make us rich not in wealth but peace eternal. This way man can try growing close to God and experience his mercy and love. As the scripture says ‘what if man gains everything but forfeits his own life?” we need to seriously think over this understanding. Shortly we will celebrate the Feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, who surrendered herself to God and His plan for her. She did not work for her own agendas and personal motives, but she strived to exercise and execute the very plan of God. That’s the only reason made her to remain the ever virgin woman of humanity and divinity. She gained the love of God and made her life an example to all of us. Her obedience and fidelity gained the crown of heaven at the time of her assumption.

Mother Mary, through her life sets an example for us to lead our lives in obedience and gratitude to God. If Eve was the sole cause for committing sin and braking the bridge of God and Man, Mother Mary became the only woman to abolish sin and rebuild the broken bridge of God and Man. Through our Christian life, we need to be the evangelisers of God’s love and Mercy than being the losers of His Love and ditchers of his love.

Today most of the people are worried of their earthly life and hardly care of their spiritual life. People today are more fascinated to explore so many attractive things via internet and also in the world of improvement and entertainment. Today, E-mail, E-Bay, E-commerce, E-Tickets, E-work and many more as made man’s life E-life. But we should not forget that we Have “E” for Eshiwar – God at our disposal. Parents at times forget the spiritual need for their children and fail in their promise during their sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church.  Parents should not only cater for their children posh life and life of happiness. They should also be another ‘Christopher’- caring Christ to their children, teaching them to pray more than educating them of Prayers. They should educate their children in the teachings of the church and build a strong Christian faith in them. Are all parent’s doing this? Each Christian, who is a child of God and a Witness to God, should be ‘Christiophers’ for others. By this kind of act, we can find the meaning of our life and grow the necessary spirituality we require as a faithful Christian.

Let us not be a Christian without an actual existence for life rather let us become as like Mary our Mother, who through her life destroyed sin and gained the greatest gift above everything. As like our Lady, let us become an instrument of Peace and not an obstacle for God’s love and Mercy for our own life and for the others. All that happens in our life, we are the cause and we are the one who have a solution to these problems. So everything rests in us and finds itself in us.

First time tired. Cursed it

I love it. People say I walk a lot and that’s the reason I am lean. I walked and walked till I was tired. I was not tired even after climbing the flyover of Cox Town. I once again love to walk with friends so that I have a lot of fun. I simply walk and don’t hesitate for doing it. Whenever people asked me ‘why do you walk most of the time?’ I tell them like a crack “Religious should learn to walk” and laugh as like a mad person.

Now I love to hear what is strange. We walked early morning 4’clock from Da’costa Layout to Viveknagar. We need to walk fast because our mass would begin at 5:15am. Almost 30 of us walking, we couldn’t make any fun because there were hardly few people on the roads. All that Albert and I were able to do is to disturb few dogs and beggars sleeping on the foot strains. I used to be the one disturbing others and act like an innocent boy in front of my superiors. People with me used to enjoy my company.

Now as I walked for a long distance from Da’costa to viveknagar early morning. As I walked I heard some devilish sound from some corner but I was not able to find out what it is. We started rosary on our way, we started to talk while others were praying because it was compulsory. Always we saw fun in gossiping about others. Without our conscious we used to gossip on others about their foolishness. The sound of a ghost walking now triggered few of our friends who were called as “Gang members”. Now there was a mixture of sound. The Dog started to cry and the cat looking for something. Now we started to walk little fast and joined the others in front. Albert is saying to Prabhu “come da, let’s say rosary and we will be safe”.

I started to walk little fast and could hear the sound of my slipper dragging the road. I didn’t look back and just walked fast in fear. But honestly that sounds were also fun. Now I heard someone shouting somewhere for no reason and an ambulance passing by with its usual stupid sound. We saw a car near Ulsoor Lake unidentifiable. Now Prabhu is whispering in the ears of Richard “Maga, nodu alle, yavanu selidrea tha kondavanea”- ‘see their dude, someone has counted coins’ in a very humours way and I was able to hear Richard laughing like a man from manhole.

We reached Austin Town and I smelled milk because we passed through the milk diary. Now I am tired for the first time. I ask myself silently “why I’m tired?” I got an answer and was satisfied. Now Albert like a stupid wants to eat something when it is only 4:45am. We passed now through BDA complex while heard some strange sound from Kavya Sagar hotel. I love this hotel because they prepare really a crispy masala doas. After such a long time, now I saw a auto passing by and a bus near the depot getting ready while the driver is performing some poojas ringing a small bell.
We reached Infant Jesus church,  Viveknagar attended the mass though I had a good sleep. I sat down and most of us slept. After the mass we had to walk back once again. Now Albert asks me “Maccha, Are you feeling tired. Why are you walking silently?” and I replied “Maccha, I am feeling too sleepy and tired”. Now we started to walk back fast by the same direction we walked morning. We were little hungry but were not able to eat anything. I cursed that morning. First time I didn’t enjoy my walk fully.

It curtails our Freedom

Students in today’s world are far more developed and practical in thinking. Rules and regulation of the school and colleges are always necessary for the development and growth of the institution. There are situations that cannot be solved without imposing certain kind of rules and regulations. Most of the rules and regulations are very important to the growth of the students and their future life. But the students are not in a position to understand the importance of these rules and regulations.

Most of the rules and regulations are against the likes and wants of the people. All the schools and colleges have got certain rules and regulations the same. Students these days in colleges specially are against the rules and regulations that curtail their freedom are what they think. When they are forced to follow the rules and regulations that are very simple, can make them rebellious and stringent in life. Today colleges don’t allow their students into the campus without students wearing their ID card. This practise is actually something important for the safety of the college and students but students are more rebellious because they think that- wearing ID card is like a school children.

“I have absolutely no problems in following the rules and regulations of my college but they are very baseless without any use. So why should I follow them” says Gokul (Name Changed) from Kristhu Jayanthi College. Sometimes students don’t find the importance in understanding the rules and regulations of the college and schools and the college also fails in making their students understand them practically.

Why so we require rules and regulations? We require them because for a systematic and smooth growth of the institution. When there are rules and regulations students tend to normally violate it and cause problems and issues in the college. The college should also understand that while imposing rules and regulations strictly on the students, they are actually disturbing the students mentally. At this point, both the Institution and Students are not wrong in their own perceptive.

We are grown children and more over adults, but still our college wanted us to follow the rules and regulations as like a small child in school. We don’t have freedom to lead our lives. Everywhere there are laws, rules and conditions are curtailing our growth according to our wishes and wants” says Deeksha from St. Joseph’s College.

Do following rules and regulations curtail the individual’s freedom? Absolutely its wrong understanding because students forget to understand that their studying under a institution that follows strictly their rules and conditions. Students should start thinking practically of ‘why are there rules and regulations?’ and by answering this question more practically will make them more humane and rational. At the same time, the management should also strive to develop their students morally and practically fir their future life.

“I don’t think students should be compelled to follow the rules and regulations strictly because they become very adamant and worst, when we force them to do. Instead every teacher should become one with their students and teach them what is good and bad than just being a soul of imposing. Let us be a good friend to our students and they will learn more than what we teach in the four walls of the class room” says Mrs. Rose Mary from Stracey Memorial High School.

I am sure that the college/school forms the rules and regulations most of the time for the growth of the students. But when they are made very strict and compulsory, students from a wealthy back ground start to oppose the management thinking they can do anything with their wealth and change the managements ideas. The school/college should teach their students that their lives are mostly a set of rules and regulations. Sometimes when we force students to follow all the rules and regulations they become worried and disturb themselves without no reasons. So I think that the school/college should be able to think broadly from the perceptive of the students before forming any kind of rules, conditions and strongly imposing it on the students.

Is Language a hindrance in our Catholic faith?

The long run of the worst issue or problem in the Bangalore churches is the superiority of one Language.  People are so stubborn and are in favour of their own language and wanted favours only for them. The language of kannada though is not an ancient language, people of this faith are causing havoc in the celebrations and running of the churches in Bangalore.

For years this has been great issue in the Catholic Church. Foreigners who come to India understand the worst situation in the Bangalore churches and they tend to make comments on the church. At times, it has come to light that ‘Church is where politics have a long part of life’. It is really sad to know that sometimes even the church leaders become the trouble makers for their own selfish motives and wants.

There are so many problems caused because of the language issue between Kannada and Tamil. Each group fight for their personal problems and motives and make the church stalk for the faithful. They themselves make the church den of injustice, violence and hatred who should actually be the opposite of all this deadly viruses. Looking at the past and even at the present, churches in Bangalore has been a real issue in the Vatican. The Holy Father, who struggles to promote peace and harmony among the Catholics and the other faith, is really sad to know that there is no peace and love within the Catholic Church itself. There have been disturbances from both the language groups and also the people who are not Catholics. So many incidents happened in the Bangalore Archdiocese because of the fights and troubles of the language groups.

In keeping with these issues in the Bangalore Archdiocese, the Holy Father had appointed three Bishops’ commission to analyze the difficulties of the Bangalore churches and to find some solutions. This commission had met the leaders of the church and the lay faithful to find out the real problem that has become the big hindrance to the faith. The commission had submitted a report to the “Congregation for the evangelization of the people, Vatican”.  And the congregation had to make certain rules for the Bangalore churches and its faith.

The Congregation has come up with a big change in the Bangalore Archdiocese. It has decided to make the primary language of the archdiocese as ‘Kannada’ and all the main celebrations in the liturgy should be in the primary language. English being the universal language of the world, the congregation has given quite a few importances of the same in the liturgy.

“It has been made for the peace and smooth celebrations in the Bangalore churches. There is no any kind of partiality in making these laws and the very fact of these laws and directions have come from the Congregation for the evangelization of the people, Vatican. It is our duty to respect and obey our higher authorities. I earnestly request the pastoral leaders and the Lay faithful to kindly make concerted and relentless efforts to implement these laws with the spirit of goodwill and undivided obedience to our ecclesiastical authorities. So that we promote and live as one family in peace and harmony” says Bangalore Archbishop

Bangalore being a place for a larger migrant from other parts of the world, we should also think of the migrants for whom Kannada or Tamil is a new language. In this case, the church loses its flexibility to cater to the needs of the faithful. When the main Celebrations are in Kannada, How can these migrants or any other people who does not know Kannada, Can partake in the celebration meaningfully’ says Mr. Nathan, a migrant from Kerala.

The sad part of the church today is that it lives and functions with so many problems and disturbances for one’s own personal motives. At the end, it is the people who lose and struggle for nothing that they have done. Christ preached in the language of love and worked with love and today we are not able to live with love and peace.  As Christians and also the believers of peace, we are the opposite of all these beautiful elements of our life. Some of our Christians themselves are the misleading factors in the church and its faith.

‘If these situations continue in the Bangalore churches, down the years there will be no churches and the faithful. Pastoral leaders and the higher authorities should really safeguard our churches and not fight for their own personal motives and selfishness and the lay faithful who are disturbing the church should be seriously questioned and if necessary should also excommunicate them’ says Amrit D’souza (name changed).

As Christians and lovers of peace, let’s try and promote peace and harmony among ourselves and the church in universal. Let’s follow the one Man who lead us and is now still leading us and fight for the justice and live for the truth.

Bunked for Dhanpal

I had a dream but can’t really say it. What it would really be? I puzzled, felt something strange to even find it out. I seemed to be brave but never against me and specially that fill my ass with waste, I feel. It became a rare issue to visit DhanPal and always found my ass to rest for a while peacefully. My way to this place would simply be a ghost ride. The Google map would show me two directions to this place and I would curse myself always for choosing the Cemetery road. I am not a single most of the time. I share the platter most of the times with Prabhu called ‘Sapad Rama’ and he would favour me just to accompany me to the morning place like a good wife for pleasure in the night.

Last Saturday we planned to visit Dhanpal since it was a long time to dine there. Prabhu and I were excited to look for the next morning which happened to be the last Sunday. We threw some bitter lies on our rector and walked in fear of caught to Dhanpal. We picked a rick and shivered because of the weather and that made us more interesting to rest in Dhanpals house. All that we wanted to hog wouldn’t be available after 9clock. So we were dined by 7:35am. Our journey was once again through the dead areas and that always remained empty accept on the days of burial. Getting down at Chinn Palya, Prabhu the funny man paid Rs.50 for no good reason when it costs only Rs.25 normally all the time I had come in a Rick.

‘Prabhu, what’s gone wrong with you to pay the auto driver Rs.50,’ I asked.

“I feel unconscious looking at the board saying ‘Aatkal soup special’, “replied he. I felt that Prabhu is too funny. We went inside and sat down. Prabhu was not ready to waste his time little more. He called the waiter in a very pleasing tone “Sir, Sir…” while the waiter came to us and asked us “Tell me sir, what you want? “. Prabhu immediately asked him the menu and the waiter started to give a list of menus which Prabhu was not able to decide upon. So he asked the waiter “Do you have a menu card sir”. The waiter replied ‘yes’ and brought us a menu paper and not a card literally. Now Prabhu tool some time to look at it and decide. He asked me “Dai, what do you want?” I told him that I would like to taste the ‘Aatkal Soup’ and now Prabhu calls the waiter saying “Sir, give two Aatkal soup, six dosas, botti gravy for now”.

While we waited for our dish, prabhu started to look at others and make fun of them. We had a good time in gossiping about others in our community, while my heart beat would rise and fall, worried whether we will get caught. Now the waiter served us with the dishes. Prabhu now forgot me that I am sitting next to me; he was busy sipping the aatkal soup. The sound while sipping was very funny and I started to laught at him now. I really enjoyed the soup. We shared the rest of the dishes peacefully. My usual drug that I am addicted is “Coca Cola, Pepsi, 7up and other cool drinks” and I asked the waiter “Do you have Pepsi?” and he replied “yes, we do have but it’s warm”. I said “ok, don’t need” to the waiter. Prabhu now looks at me and asks me “Do you like to have anymore” and I told him “Do you want to meet the Archbishop” for which Prabhu called the waiter and told him to “bring the bill”.

Now, the bill amount was Rs. 156.00 only. I took wallet out and pulled out the old Rs. 50 note and held it upto Prabhu as my share. Prabhu now put his hand in his pockets and finds Rs.100 note and gives only Rs.150 to the waiter. The waiter said “Sir, the bill is Rs. 156. But your giving me only Rs.150 and I understood that Prabhu din’t have any more money. So I paid Rs.10 extra and gave Rs. 4 as tips to the waiter and we walked off from Dhanpal. We boarded a auto and reached our place and saw that the Rector has gone out. We were happy and life came back to us. Now prabhu looks at me and asks “next when shall we go to Dhanpal” for which I replied “shut your mouth for now”.

Fears trembling

  1. When I get caught with my Rector for not doing gardening.
  2. When I see fights
  3. When I go late from the college without no reason
  4. When I commit even a small crime
  5. Losing someone close to me
  6. When I speak without sense
  7. When enjoying sleeping in an unusual time
  8. When I had failed for the first time in I PUC history exam
  9. When I favour someone
  10. Volunteering in college
  11. Going out alone for a unknown place
  12. While charging my mobile illegally
  13. When I think of taking some drinks but I don’t actually out of fear
  14. Spending a lot of money
  15. When I lose control of myself
  16. To touch a dead body while blessing
  17. To go for a funeral of my near ones
  18. While playing football
  19. When I am sick
  20. The minute I login to look for my results
  21. When caught for speaking vernacular
  22. Violating the rule of silence and touch
  23. When being a cause for accidents

The five deadly fears

  1. When I see fights

I always get scared of seeing blood and specially people hurt in fights. I get so worried even to hear about fights going to happen and literally move out from the place. I also don’t go for arguing that would land up in hatred and cause fights of rivalry against me.

  1. Losing someone close to me

I always wanted to be close to someone whom I love. I always get fear of losing them when someone else interrupts between us. I make all stupid things to keep him/her only to me and for me. My worst fear of losing them is because of my lack of talents in sports and others. I go even to a situation of spoiling someone’s name in order to keep my close one only to me and for me.

  1. To touch dead bodies while blessing

I don’t like going for funerals and specially for my own relatives. I always don’t like to see someone crying badly and losing their self by fainting and other problems. I also get feared of touching the dead bodies in church while blessing some funerals because of my own perceptions. I always try and avoid of going to funerals home and rather just go the mass.

  1. Violating the rule of silence and touch

I am very playful and always wanted fun. I don’t like people drawing limits for my happiness. Fortunate of unfortunate we should not speak during the silence hour in our seminary and that’s the time we love to speak with our friends. My rector who is like a watch dog sometimes punishes me for speaking during the silence hour. We are also not allowed to sit to anyone very close nor putting our hands over on our friend shoulders. I am caught for that so many times and being punished.

  1. When being a cause for accidents

I become like a frozen ice when someone shouts at me for my mistake. I always drive my bike very slow because of the fear of neither accidents nor being the cause of someone’s injuries nor life. I get more scared while the whole crowd shouting at me for the incident. I also get scared of cops and the most stupid things they carry on to do with us and make us a scrape goat.

I got to tell the worst of all fears

The worst of all these five fears that I have mentioned seemed to be very scary at times for me emotionally nor mentally. I don’t get scared of watching ghost movies nor to stay alone in a place which others do get scare off. Among these five dreadful fears of mine, I am getting emotionally attacked by the fear of “losing some one”.

I always chose the best for my life. The only thing that I din’t chose is my parents and my name. But this one has turned to be the best of all my choices. I am very choosy in life. I lose myself most of the times emotionally than mentally. I’m a kind of strong in personality but no so in emotional. I love people and especially the ones whom I love the most. I wanted them only for me and I’m ready to do anything for them. I know that I am sounding very Egoistic and jealous but I can’t help it.

Many people came in my life and passed but there were some whom I din’t want to leave. I tried my best to keep them close to me but they became the snow that melted in the course of life. I was so attached to him but he was also to me the same. I always thought that he is my brother than a friend but he saw me as a stranger after days passed by. I love him so much that actually has no expressions. Every time he goes away from me, I am feared badly. This kind of fear is like fear of losing my own life. I do all possible things to keep him close to me but people are jealous about it. Because of this boy who is smaller in age than me but still remains my cute little brother, I have become an enemy for some off my own friends. I didn’t care for them.  All that I wanted is to keep my brother who is actually not in blood only for me and expected that he should always care and think only about me.

Life thought me a beautiful lesson now. My jealous thought had ruined me slowly. I was dead and literally lifeless in human. I sat back few months before and questioned myself. I asked myself “Why am I like this?” “Does he like me at least?” and these are the questions that actually made me to return to myself. I understood that I am a fool and making all creepy things that hurts me back. “Losing someone” was always my deadly fear and still now. When someone neglects me I start getting depressed and curse myself. The loss of this boy was a real blow on my life and feelings. I started to analyse the mistake I was and I’m committing till today. I find things very disgusting in my life when I loss myself. I have kept the boy nameless in this and figureless because of my personal feelings. Still I find my life worthless when I am not able to keep on person attached to me or always with me.

Attempting the unusual

I had real lot of fun and it was really indeed inspirational with this man, a cobbler who strives so hard migrating from his own state to educate his four children in a high level. All those who view this small clipping will really be taken up in awe and grow in consciousness of the struggles parents are facing to bring up their children lives.